


maybe we're starcrossed

by agentmaine



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (or at least it might be), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Found Family, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Nobody is Dead, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-09-19 11:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9437975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentmaine/pseuds/agentmaine
Summary: Taako and Kravitz meet for the first time on an empty rooftop. One is struggling to connect and the other needs time alone. Neither get what they were after, but they talk. And they find something that might just work. From that point, they meet again. And again. And again. "Coincidence" doesn't seem to be the right word anymore.





	1. light pollution

Social gatherings take a toll on everyone after a while. Taako sips his beer – the red wine’s all gone, which sucks, but he’s just about tipsy but not quite tipsy enough, so shitty beer will do – and watches the room full of semi-formally dressed adults chatter away, laugh and connect. Tonight is one of the nights where Taako finds it hard to connect. Which is awful, quite frankly, considering he’s in a room with practically everyone he loves. Apart from Angus. He makes to check his phone, rolling his eyes as he remembers Magnus snatching it from him earlier in the evening. Saying something about the babysitter being perfectly capable of looking after a ten year old already on his way to getting a degree.

Taako still worries. That kid is his. That kid keeps him grounded.

It’s Magnus and Julia’s party. No reason for it except they’re ridiculously in love with each other and with life and with the whole fucking world. Taako both admires and despises the optimism they have. One thing he can’t despise is the way they look at each other. It’s stupid. It’s as if everyone else stops existing and the two of them are in their own little universe. He loves them both to death, Magnus is his brother, Julia is one of the kindest people in the world, and he hates the pang of disgusting jealousy it brings out in him. He hides it from everyone else, but Taako knows it’s there. That’s what hurts about it.

The happy couple themselves are sat together on a chair in their dining room. Magnus towers over his wife, one hand covering the whole of her side as she sits comfortably on his lap, talking to a friend across from her. Magnus is giving her that look, _that one_ , where his eyes are warm and Taako can practically hear his heart beating out of his chest. It scares Taako. Loving someone that much, it’s… ridiculous. It’s stupid. With Angus, that’s a whole other story, a whole different type of love, and a knowledge that Angus would never abandon him. With romantic love? That’s whack. With romantic love, a person can just… get sick of you. Up and leave. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am and they’re out of your life.

And when people do that, it leaves the sad fucks left behind pretty wrecked.

Taako snorts somewhat sadistically and takes a swig of his gross beer. He’s been in the position of “sad fuck left behind” _far_ too many times for his liking. Hence single parenthood being the way to go.

He looks at the clock on the wall opposite him. 11:32 PM. And he’s been alone for nearly an hour. How goddamn depressing. He looks around the room one more time and can’t find it in himself to stay, or to make the effort to connect. He could force a smile, make some jokes, talk about a new recipe he wants to try out, but even the thought of doing that feels heavy and makes his chest tighten uncomfortably.

Instead, Taako stands up and decides to hang out in the comfort spot he’s claimed since he, Magnus and Merle all shared this apartment. He catches Magnus’ eye across the room and smiles somewhat pathetically, pointing upwards. Magnus nods understandingly, of course he does, and points to the kitchen. Makes a phone with his hand and pats his stomach. He looks idiotic, but it makes Taako feel better to know he’s being looked out for. Julia makes blows a kiss at him and Taako chuckles as he pretends to catch it, just because Julia is too nice to be a shithead to, and then walks into the kitchen. He grabs a sandwich, another gross beer and his phone before leaving the apartment.

It’s two flights of metal stairs up to the roof of the building and, in hindsight, not bringing a coat was a shitty idea. Taako’s hair is just long enough to be fucking annoying as it blows into his face and the crop top and short skirt combo weren’t the best idea to combat early January temperatures.

“Gods above, it is fucking _cold,_ holy shit.” Taako grumbles, wrapping his arms around himself as he squints and looks for somewhere semi-comfortable to sit. “Can’t even see the stars. Bullshit. Thought this sort of crap was meant to be romantic and the stars have gone and migrated somewhere else.”

“I think it’s light pollution, actually. Not star migration.”

Taako screams and holds his purse out into the dark as if it’s a weapon. “Who the FUCK just said that?!”

A man steps forwards, hands held up in surrender and his eyes wide. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I-“

“Listen bub, you don’t talk to a man in a skirt in the dark on a roof about fucking _light pollution_ before making said man aware that you, uh, EXIST? And are not a MURDERER?”

The man tries to keep a straight face, attempts to remain apologetic, but has to clamp a hand over his mouth to hide a smile.

“Yeah, laugh it up, tough guy. You’re lucky I didn’t murder you.”

“With your purse?”

“Yeah, with my fucking purse. Also, uh, I’m a _wizard_ and could have knocked you off a _roof._ What are you even doing on a roof?”

“You’re, uh,” The man pauses and blinks a few times. He’s attractive, Taako can tell that even in the dark. He’s also confused. “You’re also on the roof. And… Aren’t you an elf? You’re meant to have night vision, aren’t you?”

Taako snorts and takes a step closer to the stranger. “Don’t make presumptions. I need glasses. I don’t wear them, because I forget, but I still need them. Plus – this is _my_ roof. Which is why I’m gonna sit down.”

Taako, being a man of his word, strides past the stranger confidently and sits down towards the end of the roof, dangling his legs off the edge. The stranger’s eyes follow him. “I wasn’t aware the roof of a huge apartment building in which many people live belonged to one person.”

“Then, clearly, you don’t know shit, since I’ve been coming here for years.” Taako runs a hand through his tangled brown hair and tries to fix it, cursing to himself. A minute of silence passes. “You gonna sit down, or do you wanna be angsty alone?”

“Oh.” The man says. He gives Taako that shocked blinking look again before sitting down beside Taako, with just enough distance between them to make it awkward.

“So, what brings you up here?” Taako asks, looking at the man to his left. Dark skin, much darker than Taako’s brown, and much clearer. He’s handsome. Definitely. Strong cheek bones, dark dreadlocks reaching the middle of his back, and in an all-black suit. Tall, dark, and handsome. How cliché.

“I wanted some time in the quiet. Needed some air. And a drink.” He flashes Taako a hint of a smile before bringing a large bottle to his lips.

Instinctively, Taako’s hand reaches over and grabs the stranger’s arm. “Is that red wine?”

“Uh, yes, it is –“

“You’re sharing. It’s roof tax. Sit on my roof, share your wine. I’ll even give you this shitty beer I brought with me.” Taako grins at him, waving his beer bottle as if it’s a metronome attempting to hypnotise the stranger.

The man chuckles and hands the bottle to Taako after taking a drink for himself. “Of course. And I’ll let you keep the beer. My treat.”

Taako snorts, taking a long drink before handing the bottle back to the stranger. “What’s your name, anyway, dude?”

“Kravitz. Yours?”

“Taako.” He smiles at Kravitz before cursing as a gust of wind causes him to shiver once more.

“You’re not wearing the most… sensible clothing, are you?” Kravitz chuckles. He shuffles that bit closer to Taako and raises an eyebrow, something of a cocky smirk on his face.

“True. But I look hot as hell.”

“No comment.” Kravitz laughs at the look of offence on Taako’s face, which promptly turns into a glare and a mumble of _asshole._ Still, Kravitz takes his suit jacket off and puts it across Taako’s shoulders. “Better?”

Taako feels his face heat up slightly, because this is stupid, but he smiles despite himself. “If it were less ugly, it’d be better, but thanks. I guess.”

“No problem. I’ll work on the ugliness for next time. So,” he says. He pauses to take another drink of wine and Taako takes the opportunity for his eyes to take a drink of _Kravitz._ Light pollution be damned, this guy is a pretty decent sight on his own. “What brings you up onto your roof?”

“Depression.” Taako looks to Kravitz and the man is taken so far aback he could be in the previous century as he stammers and looks for something to say. Taako laughs properly for the first time that night and elbows Kravitz lightly. “My man, your face, holy fuck. It’s a joke! Kind of. Either way, it’s funny.”

Kravitz blushes visibly and covers his face for a moment before looking back at Taako. “Seriously?”

“Seriously! You can laugh at it. I do! I’m here because connecting with people is fucking hard and I wanted to be alone, but you’re here, so now I’m sharing a bottle of wine with a handsome asshole I’ve never seen before in my life.” Taako shrugs and takes the bottle of wine, drinking before setting it down again. “Life is whack, my man.”

“It is. Did I catch a handsome in that sentence, by the way?” Kravitz smirks. Taako notices he is undoubtedly closer than he was not long ago.

“Maybe you misheard. That why you’re leaning in?”

“Who said I’m the one that’s leaning, Taako?”

Taako chuckles and looks at Kravitz’s lips. He’s hot as hell. He seems pretty kind. He can be funny. And again, he’s really hot. And it would be so, so easy to kiss him. It’d be so easy to take him home and spend the night and have fun and forget about everything else. It’d be so easy to forget. Kravitz seems more than up for it.

Taako goes to lean in, but stops himself. He remembers being left like the sad fuck he’s used to being and how much it hurts to be that guy. He remembers the hopeful look on Angus’ face the last time the kid saw that Taako brought someone home. He remembers the poorly masked disappointment when the guy was never seen again. Taako moves back and stands up, leaving Kravitz looking up at him.

He looks… Concerned. Which immediately makes the situation worse because clearly, he’s not an asshole. He’s worried. Taako hates people worrying about him. So he smiles, forces it onto his face, and drops Kravitz’s jacket onto his lap.

“I should go. I gotta get home. Hit the hay. Nice meeting you, light pollution.” Taako says. He waves briefly before speed walking to the metal stairs that lead him inside, to the elevator and to the ground floor where he gets his close-to-drunken ass into a taxi that takes him to his house.

He thanks and pays the babysitter, tipping her whatever he has in his pockets, which must be a good tip considering the grin she gives him. He waves to her as she leaves and sighs heavily as he drops his purse on the couch, kicks his shoes off and walks into Angus’ bedroom. The kid is fast asleep, curly brown hair just visible as the rest of his body is covered by train patterned bedsheets. Taako walks across the room quietly and kisses the boy’s head.

“Love you, buddy.” He mumbles softly before heading to his own room.

Taako barely undresses, let alone takes his makeup off, before he collapses into bed. He texts Magnus to let him know he’s home safe and to say thanks for the party. As soon as his head hit’s the pillow, he’s practically asleep.

His last conscious thoughts are spent wondering if he’ll ever see Kravitz again, and wondering if he kissed as good as he looked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO? THIS FIC MIGHT BE A THING NOW. A MULTI CHAPTER ONE! one that i might..., finish.... this time...... maybe..... ANYWAY! thank you for reading and as always, feel free to hmu at @taakotacos on twitter!


	2. book club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no proof reading at 1:25am we die like men  
> also known as: chapter 2 of whatever this is! please forgive late updates and something of a... maybe misguided plot? i'm kinda winging this. but i like it, and i hope you do too <3 also !! thank you so much for all the kudos and comments. it means a lot!

Taako pushes the library doors open as dramatically as humanly possible, both doors swinging open and cold air flooding into the room for a moment before both doors shut behind him. Angus darts in just in time to avoid being hit by a door and shoves Taako lightly. It’s nearly the end of January, a cold Saturday afternoon and the day of Angus and Taako’s fortnightly trip to the local library. It’s a nice routine – they visit Merle first, the two of them get coffee at the cat café, despite Taako being allergic, and then Angus borrows twice his weight in books. Taako smiles at the kid – his kid – and ruffles his hair as they walk to the counter where the librarian stands.

Usually, the librarian on a Saturday is a person named Roswell. Angus loves them, and the two of them always talk about each of the books Angus read over the past two weeks. Sometimes, and sadly today, the librarian is a guy called Leon. He sighs as he sees Taako walk in.

“Can… I help you, Mr. Taako?” He asks slowly.

“L-Dog!” Taako exclaims, a grin spreading across his face. “You can return these for me, my mans.”

Taako dumps a bag of books on the desk for Leon to check in, leaning on the wooden surface slightly as he looks at the smaller man in front of him. “You aren’t much of a _talker_ , are you L-Dog? Neon Leon.”

Leon sighs again. Taako forces back a snicker as he remembers the… unfortunate event involving a coin, a library book, and the spell mislead. Leon hasn’t had the most positive of views towards Taako since then. Leon glances at Angus and seems to notice he’s in the presence of a child for the first time, forcing a semblance of tone into his voice and attempting some form of optimism.

“Can I direct you to the children’s books? There’s a _delightful_ section on comics about learning your times tables.”

Angus blinks slightly, his mouth opening and shutting. Taako can see the cogs turning in his head as he goes between wanting to be polite and wanting to ask for the books he wants. He settles on politeness and begins to nod, accepting times tables comics. Inwardly, Taako sighs. He has to teach his kid some confidence. God knows he deserves to have it.

Before Leon can direct them to the kid’s section, Taako interjects. “Thanks, my man, but… Do you know where we can find some books about physics, computer science and the history of space travel? Also, some sweet-ass cooking books. Hyphenated. Sweet-ass, not ass cooking.”

Leon looks shocked for a second, only to mask it and direct Taako and Angus to the shelves they need. As they’re walking away, Taako smiles down at Angus. “You know you totally could’ve asked for those cool books yourself, yeah?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugs. “I don’t want to be rude.”

“Agnes! Getting what you want isn’t rude, my mans. It’s a _necessity._ You’re smart as shit and you gotta show that off! You’re a future, fuckin’… Rocket engineer!” Taako says, much too loudly for a library. Angus hits him in the arm.

“Shh! You’re _embarrassing._ I’m not getting a reputation as the kid whose Dad got him kicked out of a library.” Angus glares momentarily before sitting down in front of a book shelf, looking over each book in the bottom row individually.

Taako snorts to himself and nudges Angus with his foot before walking to a shelf not too far away, beginning to look at some recipe books himself. Angus may still be dealing with some bad social anxiety, but he’s opening up more and more each day to his family. Being raised by Taako is leaving the kid to be too quick witted and sarcastic for his own good sometimes. Talking back to Taako is a big step for him. He’s defending himself, and Taako hopes he can defend himself when he isn’t around, too. He curses to himself internally for worrying so much. Who would have thought he’d be so fucking _maternal?_

“Taako,” Angus calls out to him with a huff. “I don’t know which book to get.”

“The one you like most, Agnes. It’s not rocket surgery.” Taako chuckles, putting a shitty cook book back on the shelf. Who needs to know 30 recipes safe for both humans and dogs?

“That’s… That’s not the phrase –“

“Then it’s not brain science! Jeez. Just pick what you want, my dude. I’m gonna go see Sloane. You know where their book club is, right?”

Angus nods, sighing and evidently not even attempting to correct Taako. He smiles at Angus once more before walking to a small room in the back of the library, where chairs are arranged in a circle and an old graffitied desk offers refreshments for members of Sloane’s book club. There’s not many people there, and most of those who are sat around chatting are familiar faces to Taako. Sloane, Hurley and Avi sit together, the couple listening to a story Avi’s telling. Johann fiddles with the ancient CD player, most likely trying to play his own music. Carey is looking through the snacks and helping herself to them, even though she’s meant to be on some “get fit” resolution with Killian.

Taako leans against the door and watches in on his friends, waving at Hurley as she notices him and flashes him a blinding smile. He swears that she’s made of sunbeans or something, especially when she’s around Sloane. Which is strange, because Sloane often looks like she’s stuck in an emo phase. Taako called her Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way once. She didn’t get the reference. Taako sees Hurley go to call him over and begins to step inside the room when he hears someone behind him.

“Uh, excuse me,” the voice begins, pausing as Taako turns around. “Oh – it’s, uh, it’s you.”

“Holy shit.” Taako says, his eyes widening before a smirk crosses his face. “It’s you too, my man. Light pollution!”

Kravitz’s face remains shocked for a second before it breaks into a slight smile. “Taako,” he says, extending his hand. “It’s nice to meet you again.”

“You too, Crab Sticks.” Taako smiles at him and slaps his hand in something of an unrequited high five. Handshakes are for lawyers and eighty year olds and Taako is none of the above. “Long time no see.”

“Half a month, give or take.” He smiles, putting his hand into his pocket awkwardly. He’s handsomer than Taako remembers, which literally _never happens_ , especially considering Taako was fairly intoxicated when they first met. The almost-kiss comes flooding back to Taako and he does his best not to look at Kravitz’s lips. He succeeds, but bitterly, because god is this guy unfairly pretty.

“Not that I’m unhappy that you’re here, but… Since when the fuck were you friends with all my friends?” Taako asks.

Kravitz laughs, his eyes darting to the inside of the room, where a fair few of the people inside are watching the two of them talk. “I know Julia from work. She recommended I start coming here, expand my social circle. I’ve lived here for the past year or so.”

“You work with Jules? For the fuckin’ raven queen? How am I only just learning this?” Taako asks. He tries not to notice the multiple pairs of eyes on him, his friends subtlety being about as subtle as a bull in a china shop.

“We… Aren’t meant to call her that, but yes. At the funeral place. I arrange everything. Julia has the somewhat happier job of working with flowers.”

“Jeez. Small fuckin’ world.” Taako smiles at Kravitz. Hears a whisper from across the room. Realises that him talking to Tall Dark and Handsome like they’re old friends is probably sparking rumours as the thought occurs to him. “D’you wanna talk out there? I don’t wanna witness Hurley talk about her favourite spiritual guidance book of the month. Namaste and zen and all that meditation bullshit.”

Kravitz laughs as he sees Hurley flip Taako off with all the grace she can muster. “Sure, Taako. Talking to you last time was certainly… Interesting.”

Taako steps back out into the main room of the library, chuckling as he does so. Part of him wonders why talking to Kravitz seems to be coming as naturally as it did the night he was drunk, especially when connecting with people he’s known for years is still hard. Most of him is glad to have someone to talk to that doesn’t look at him with pity.

“What made talking to me interesting then, my man? My charm? My good looks?” He asks, a coy smile on his face.

“Well,” Kravitz says. “The fact that you threatened to kill me was quite memorable.”

Taako snorts. “Touché, light pollution. Touché.”

Instinctively, Taako looks around the library for Angus, panic bubbling in his chest like lava for one brief moment before he spots him. “Follow me, yeah?”

Kravitz follows him unquestioningly, all the way to where Angus is sat on the floor with an ever-growing pile of books surrounding him. The man’s eyes widen slightly as he looks between Angus and Taako, trying to figure out the connection between the two of them. There’s a certain hint at family resemblance – brown skin, brown hair and auburn eyes, but the clear difference of Taako being an elf and the boy being undeniably human. He mouths something to Taako in an attempt at subtlety. _Too bad I can’t lip read for shit,_ Taako thinks before speaking.

“Yo, Ango. You found your stuff?” He asks.

Angus jumps practically a foot in the air, his glasses almost falling off his face and his curls bouncing comedically even after his shock has died down. “No! I mean, yes! I mean – why’d you scare me?”

Taako laughs, leaning down and pushing Angus’ glasses back up his nose. “No hard feelings, kid. It’s all fun!”

“Only for you!” Angus snaps, but he’s smiling. “I found some books about physics that don’t seem super boring. Can we get ‘em?”

“No, Agnes, I bring you to the library to not let you get books. Of course we’re getting them, doofus.” Taako sticks his tongue out at him before remembering they have company. He turns to Kravitz with a slight smile. “Kravitz, this my kid, Angus. Angus, this is Kravitz. He’s… uh. A friend? Acquaintance? He works with Aunty J.”

“It’s, uh, it’s nice to meet you.” Kravitz says, resembling a deer in the headlights. His eyes dart back to Taako with a look of confusion, interest and a vague hint of horror. “I didn’t know you had a kid.”

“Well, this is only the second time we’ve met, Krav. I wasn’t gonna go spilling my life story to you.” Taako smirks.

“That,” Kravitz admits, “is a good point. Is, uh… Are you with his mother?” He asks almost nervously. It takes a moment to register why the nerves are there before Taako realises Kravtiz might be faced with a situation in which he nearly kissed a heterosexual man with a wife and child. It nearly makes Taako laugh and by the looks of it, Angus is nearly grinning too.

“No, actually…” Taako forces back a grin and nudges Angus, signalling him to play along. He makes himself look somewhere between grim and thoughtful, pulling out some Oscar nominee worthy shit. “Angus was left at my doorstep as a baby… All I know about his parents – his _real_ parents – is that they left him with a locket for me to give him on his fifteenth birthday and – holy SHIT, you believe me!”

Taako and Angus burst into laughter. Kravitz looks at them with his mouth slightly open and his head struggling to process the whole situation. “So - That’s… _not_ what happened?”

“No, light pollution. That didn’t happen. At all. Holy fuck, what do you think this is, some goddamn movie? You’re pretty damn gullible.” Taako wheezes.

“Then I commend your acting skills.” Kravitz says with a sigh, but he’s smiling. And Angus is beaming right back at him.

“Taako adopted me a few years ago, when I was seven. I don’t have a cool locket or anything like that. And Dad definitely doesn’t have a wife.” He giggles. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Kravitz.”

“You too, Angus. I… have already said that. Sorry.” He gulps, looking around for a moment before his eyes lock onto the books beside Angus. “Did you say you were interested in physics?”

Angus’ eyes light up. “Yeah! I’m trying to convince the school board I’m ready to do higher exams soon if I keep studying.”

“I studied physics in college, actually.” Kravitz smiles. Taako finds himself smiling as he watches Angus look at the man as if he’s a super star.

“Hold up – you studied physics but now you work at a funeral place?” Taako questions.

“It’s a long story.” Kravitz smiles and shrugs casually. “If you want, Angus – and if your dad doesn’t mind – you can have some of my old textbooks? They’re only gathering dust at my apartment.”

Angus nods so fast he risks giving himself whiplash. “Yes please, sir! That’d be great,” he beams.

“Is, uh, is that okay with you?” Kravitz asks to Taako, scratching the back of his neck.

“It’s free stuff. Why the hell not?” He smiles.

Taako takes Kravitz’s number and adds him as a contact, saving him under CRAB STIKZ with a skull emoji, just to make it clear who it is. Taako is saved in Kravitz’s phone as nothing more than his name, which is extremely boring, but it’ll do. Angus is buzzing like a livewire as he gathers his books together ready to be checked out, the image of college grade text books floating round in his mind. Taako notices Sloane and Hurley peering at him comically from across the room and he rolls his eyes, subtly gesturing that he’ll text them to explain later.

Nosy fucks.

Kravitz, Taako and Angus say goodbye with the agreement that they’ll talk tomorrow about where to meet up for the book exchange. Angus gets a firm, grown up handshake and Taako insists on a fist bump. He leaves the library with a bag full of new books and a new addition to the contacts list in his phone. The guy he nearly made out with at a party is now close to being a physics tutor to his son, and he has a promise of seeing this guy for a third time. Which, strangely enough, isn't necessarily a bad thing.


	3. frequencies

“So are you dating him?!” Magnus asks.

“No, Magnus, he’s not – wait, are you? Because Kravitz didn’t mention it if you were and if you _are,_ I’ll be having words. We’re meant to share gossip!” Julia chimes in, audibly shoving Magnus away from the phone so that she can shout down the line as well. Taako sighs.

“No, J, I’m not _dating_ your grim reaper buddy. I’m meeting him at a coffee shop and –“

Before he can even finish, Magnus rushes to talk over him. “So you’re going on a DATE with him, but you’re not DATING? So it’s one of those official-but-not-really things?”

“No, Mango, if you’d let me fuckin’ finish, I could tell you I’m meeting him because the death man studied science and my kid is the next Einstein. I didn’t expect to be meeting him _alone,_ but Agnes bailed and he’s swimming with Carey and Killian. So now I’m getting coffee with him. And it’s not a date.”

“But he’s into guuuuyyssss,” Julia singsongs.

“So am I. So’s your husband. Doesn’t mean I’ll get with your husband.” Taako laughs.

Julia joins in, clearly smiling as she speaks. “I support polyamory! But that’s not the point. He’s hot, Taako.”

“Hey! So am I!” Magnus says. He sounds offended. Taako can practically see him pouting.

“Of course you are, dear. _Anyway._ Kravitz is a nice guy, Taako. You should give him a chance.” She sounds earnest and caring in a way that makes Taako feel as though he was just slapped across the face. He keeps his voice light despite it.

“Ugh. Thanks, Burnsides Household, but that’s _enough._ I’m gonna go make a hot guy pay for the most over the top Starbucks order ever.” Before they can even say goodbye, Taako ends the call and sighs as he puts his phone into his purse. Assholes, he thinks. It’s not a date. It couldn’t be a date.

After rounding another few corners, Taako reaches the Starbucks where he and Kravitz agreed to meet. Quickly and almost unintentionally, he looks down at himself and straightens out his coat slightly. He pushes the door open and looks around the room, smirking as he spots Kravitz sat in a corner with a mountain of books on the table piled so high they almost block him from sight. He makes eye contact with Taako after a moment and beams, waving him over. Taako follows and sits down heavily on the chair across from Kravitz.

“Sup, light pollution?” He smiles. Kravitz is wearing a dress shirt, black jacket, dark jeans and nice shoes. Completely ridiculous for a trip to Starbucks and that’s coming from a guy in uggs, purple galaxy leggings, a vaguely inappropriate shirt and a neon pink trench coat he found in a thrift shop with what could be a blood stain on.

“Is that nickname sticking?” Kravitz asks, smiling right back at Taako. “Where’s Angus?”

“First of all, duh. What do you think? And secondly, he ditched to go swimming with his gay aunties. And, uh, _thirdly,_ you say that like you’re not happy to see me!” Taako fakes offence, his eyebrows raising to his hairline.

Kravitz laughs and places a hand over his heart. “My sincerest apologies, Taako. Of course I’m happy to see you. My mind has been completely occupied by you and the – hm, what was it again – _two_ things I know about you.”

“Hey! Mystery is good! Calm it with the sarcasm, skeletor, believe it or not – I have feelings! And every now and then, they might get hurt!”

“Oh, no. We wouldn’t want that, would we?” Kravitz says, tilting his head to the side as a smirk brings the corner of his mouth up just enough to be noticeable for someone looking for it.

Evidently, Taako was looking, as a grin spreads across his face at Kravitz’s words. Taako has a brief moment of realisation – there’s no pity on Kravitz’s face when he looks at him. Taako decides that, _yes, good, he_ likes _that._ He likes not being treated like some doll about to shatter.

“You wound me, Kravitz. Ouch.” He deadpans, noticing the smile it gains from his not-date. “So, what the fuck is even in these books? Wait – don’t answer that. I don’t fuck with science.”

“Well, technically… You do. Science makes up everything.”

“What does science have to say about my magics then, smart shit?” Taako challenges. Kravitz opens his mouth and shuts it, once, twice, before smiling lightly.

“A good point. People… haven’t figured that one out yet. By the way, I like your hair.” He nods towards Taako, gesturing at his now-grey and now-much-longer hair. “Is that extensions?”

“ _Magics._ ” Taako says, grinning and running his hand through his hair. He makes no attempt at hiding that he enjoys being complimented. It’s been a while since he was, which is just downright disrespectful.

“That… would make sense, wouldn’t it?” Kravitz comments, half to himself rather than to Taako. “Do you change your appearance a lot?”

“Uh. I guess I do? I don’t fuckin’ know. I like to look hot, and weird, and vaguely homeless but also like I’m super rich. You know?” Taako pauses for a moment, looking Kravitz up and down slowly. “Cancel that. You don’t know.”

“You’re not wrong about that,” he laughs. “Is that the only reason you change how you look so often?”

Kravitz asks the question with another question behind it, in a way that’s inquisitive and subtle all at once. Taako isn’t sure if he likes it or not. He’s meant to be collecting science shit, not being psychoanalysed. He answers, though. He doesn’t know why, but Kravitz can get him to talk. Probably those big-ass furby eyes.

“I don’t know. I like changing it up! Zaggin’ on people. Fabricating a different personality every now and then, so people never really know who the fuck I am, because that’s fun. New friends can’t stick around for too long and get all grossly attached and shit if they don’t know me.” He pauses for a moment and wonders if it’s a dark comment too far, but Kravitz is smiling back at him. Always smiling.

“That’s… somewhat depressing. But not entirely unrelatable.” He says calmly, sipping from his coffee. He hasn’t ordered Taako one, which Taako would usually be annoyed at since free stuff makes up a majority of his non-Angus related happiness, but at this point it’s not bothering him. Gross. He’s losing his Taako Touch.

“For what it’s worth,” Kravitz continues. “I quite like the few things I know about you, be them real or fabricated. Which are they, actually?”

“You tell me, bud.” Taako snorts, a full ugly laugh that pulls that grin right back to Kravitz face. “What do you even _want_ to know about me?”

Kravitz pauses for a moment, and Taako can see him thinking. Then, he does that open-close mouth thing again with the question he’s clearly wanting to ask. Taako nudges him under the table as a gesture to get him to spit it out. He gets the hint.

“If this is… too much, Taako, and you’d rather retract into small talk, please feel free to kick me. I’ll get the hint. But when we first met, you said you were finding it hard to connect. What did you mean?” Kravitz asks the question in what can only be described as Julia sort of way. Gentle but still confident, inviting instead of demanding, but there’s still something uniquely _Kravitz_ about it.

The uniquely Kravitz thing has been present each time Taako has spoken to him. He’s always calm, always polite, always gorgeous – but the thing that is so Kravitz about it is the lack of pity, he thinks. There’s no walking on eggshells, no painfully cautious selecting of words, no apologies and backhanded compliments about how Taako looks better than he did last week, or something like that. Kravitz talks to Taako as Taako, not as the Fucked Up Elf With Lingering Mental Issues. Kravitz makes Taako want to talk.

So, he does.

“It kinda means what it says on the tin, my dude. Like… I’m at a party with a bunch of people I love, but it’s like they’re all ten fuckin’ miles away. Can’t talk to them. Can’t listen to them. They’re talking about Barry and Deborah from, shit, _bingo club_ , and I don’t _care._ It doesn’t feel like that’s me, y’know? It’s like I’m some alienated asshole.”

“That… yes, I can see why you went to the roof, then. To escape?” He asks.

“To escape.” Taako agrees. “Because – jesus fuck, take notes here, you could put this in some shitty teen novel about the struggles of hetero romance in a dystopian fuckzone – it kinda felt like they were on some different frequency to me. I was trying to tune in but nope, all my shit’s jacked and while they’re over in party city, I’m listening to my fiftieth hour of static. It sucks major balls.” Taako says. He sighs a sigh that he didn’t really know he had in him and rests his chin on his hand. “Go figure.”

Kravitz seems to take a moment to mull over what he heard. He looks at Taako with an interest Taako hasn’t seen in a while, one that at least seems to be worth more than just appearance. Which is kind of nice. Being able to talk is kind of nice. As Taako thinks that, he knows Kravitz’s next question before it even leaves his mouth.

“How come you were able to talk to me so easily, then?” The man asks. Taako can’t help but chuckle.

“We’ve got matching brainwaves, my man, because I was just fuckin’ wondering that.” He smiles. “I don’t get it either.”

There’s another moment’s pause, and an open-shut mouth repeated once or twice before Kravitz finds his words. “Maybe we’re on the same frequency.”

“Huh.” Taako smiles wider involuntarily. He imagines two zig zagged lines of static crossing over each other, looking and overlapping. He thinks of one as himself, and the other as Kravitz. It almost works. “That’s fuckin’ poetic.”

“Slightly.” Kravitz laughs, finishing his coffee and beginning to place the books he brought for Taako into a satchel resting by his feet. “By the way, Taako, would you like me to walk you home? These books are heavy. I’d be happy to carry them for you.”

Taako knows an excuse when he hears one. There are a million and one ways Taako could take those books home that don’t involve Kravitz, but he doesn’t turn the offer down. Not when Kravitz is trying so hard to be polite. And when he’s funny. And still, as always, exactly Taako’s type.

“Sure,” he says as he stands up from his chair, stretching out like a cat and hearing his back pop. “No offence, but I wouldn’t be seen dead carrying that bag, so I’d be happy to have you carry it for me.”

“Oh, of course.” Kravitz says graciously, picking up the satchel that’s now packed full of physics books. He pushes his chair in and leaves a tip at his table, smiling at the barista and nodding politely to a customer catching his eye.

Taako watches, both disgusting and impressed at how constantly polite Kravitz manages to be. And how he manages to remain polite and respectable looking as he stands next to a man clad in an offensively uncoordinated outfit. Still, Taako thinks, Kravitz clearly has no problem standing next to him. In fact, he offered to walk next to him. Unnecessarily. For another six blocks.

The thought makes Taako smile smugly and makes his heart feel warm, which disgusts him more than Kravitz’s manners.

The two of them walk side by side and chat as they do. Kravitz asks about Angus, about how it is to be a single parent, and how Angus is doing in school. Taako talks about his son with pride, and notes how Kravitz seems genuinely interested. Taako loves to boast – clearly – and boasting about his son is his favourite thing to do. Having someone to listen to the boasting is a wonderful confidence boost. As they’re nearing Taako’s house, Taako turns to Kravitz slightly.

“I think my kid likes you, y’know. He wouldn’t shut up about you after we got back from the library.” He smiles to himself at the look of shock on Kravitz’s face.

“I… will admit that I’m surprised. I had _no_ idea what I was doing when I was talking to him.”

“Clearly,” Taako mumbles, laughing as Kravitz nudges him lightly and rolls his dark eyes. “But anyway… I was wondering. If Angus has any questions about this physics shit, could I text you, or something? Because I am _clueless._ ”

Kravitz smirks, and once again, Taako knows what’s coming before it’s even been said.

“Clearly.”

“Ha ha. Funny. I’m in stitches.” Deadpans Taako, sighing and stopping in front of his drive way. “Are you going to give me a serious answer?”

Kravitz sees Taako’s raised eyebrow and matches it with his own and an added smirk on top. “I know what excuses sound like, Taako, but yes – you may text for science purposes.”

Taako laughs. “Light pollution, if we’re talking excuses, I’ve gotta mention how you carried a heavy book bag home for a guy who can levitate shit. With his _mind._ ”

“Touché.” Kravitz says. He looks as if he’s blushing.

“Thank you, anyway. I’ll text you. For science reasons.” Taako says.

“Of course.” Kravitz smiles and hands Taako the book bag, which Taako takes with only a mild look of hatred towards the bag itself. Taako nods at him and begins to walk down his driveway and unlock his front door before Kravitz calls out. “By the way, Taako… If we are on the same frequency, if you’re okay with me describing it as such… I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing.”

Taako grins, facing towards his door and refusing to let the man behind him see it. “Maybe you could be right. See you around, Krav.”

Taako hears Kravitz laughing as he steps inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WILL PROOF READ AT A TIME IN WHICH I AM NOT FALLIN ASLEEP ON MY KEYBOARD..... oh boys am i tired, but i am REALLY enjoying writing this and hope you enjoy readin it just as much!!!  
> this chapter is dedicated to the lovely @mhevet on twitter, who i lvoe, bc its THEIR BIRTHDAY!! give em some love.


	4. babysitting duty

**[5:42 PM] mango beardshit:** taako this is IMPORTANT. how many times have you seen him??

            **[5:43 PM] the hot one:** oh, about NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS amount of times!

            **[5:43 PM] weed grandpa:** We Just Want To know! – merle

            **[5:44 PM] the hot one:** for the last time. you don’t have to sign your texts you ancient fuck how do you even own an iphone

            **[5:44 PM] the hot one:** and I’m still not telling you how many times I may or may not have seen this man. ur not my DAD, merle, FUCK

Taako puts his phone down.

And then, after less than a minute, picks it back up again to answer a text from Kravitz. He chooses to ignore the notification _20+ unread messages from groupchat: FUCKDOME_ flashing on and off the screen because, fuck no, he is not in the mood to be dealing with his asshole best friends. Their constant presence in his not-really-romantic love life is clearly from a place of love, but it’s a place of love with negative two charisma and no respect for privacy. And if Taako has to hear “he’s a good match for you!” one more time from someone who’s already found their goddamn soulmate, he’ll deafen himself on purpose.

Kravitz wandered into Taako’s life in early January. It’s late March now, and he still hasn’t found his way out. In fact, Kravitz is doing the opposite. He’s wading his way into the mess that is Taako’s life and making space for himself in amongst the chaos, anxiety and parental responsibilities. It’s… strange.

On the one hand, it’s terrifying. God forbid Taako admit it aloud, but he likes Kravitz. A _lot._ In ways he doesn’t like to like people, in ways that make his stomach churn, in ways that bring old memories back and leave him feeling scared and helpless. None of that seems to stop it, though. Scientifically – and shit, Taako has learnt some more science since Kravitz became a reoccurring figure – all of the awful, terrifying, disgusting side effects of feeling emotions should make his body and mind go “ _I think the fuck not,”_ and give up. But that’s not happening.

Because, overwhelmingly, Kravitz is _good._ A good person. He works at a funeral home and tries to comfort those who’ve lost loved ones. He pays for Taako’s coffee without expecting anything in return. He talks to Angus with an infinite amount of respect and each conversation the boy has with him leaves him that bit more confident than he was before. Kravitz is kind and thoughtful and organised and wonderfully awkward and he makes Taako feel present. He’s not in a daze or in the past or worrying about the future – he’s in the then and now, laughing his ass off as Kravitz makes some stupid joke or breaks a frozen yogurt machine whilst trying to operate it.

“Dad, Krav is ringing you.” Angus says, tugging at the sleeve of his jumper. “Daaad. _Taako._ ”

Taako shakes his head, snapping himself out of the daze he was in while staring at Dance Moms on TV, and answers his phone. He quickly smiles at Angus and gives him a thumbs up, glad as he notices the semi-worried expression on his face wash away.

“Yo, Crab sticks, what’s up?” He asks. Trying not to smile already.

“You asked if I were free to call. A half hour ago.” Taako can recognise both the smirk and the vague hint of worry in his voice as he continues. “Did you find someone else to talk to, or just forget?”

“…My dude, I do _not_ remember sending that text. You sure you didn’t just miss my sweet, sweet vocal chords?” From across the room, Angus giggles.

“Funny, Taako. But seriously. Was there something you needed?” Kravitz asks.

Taako pauses to think for a moment, clearing the haze in his head before replying. “Yeah, actually, now that you mention it. How’d you feel about babysitting duty?”

Angus turns towards Taako, eyebrows raised with a know-it-all look on his face. Taako sticks his tongue out at him and gets ready for the comments that are undoubtedly coming as soon as the phone call ends.

“I mean, I’m not opposed to it. When?”

“Uh… toniiiight? It’s a little short notice, but I’ll pay you – duh – and give you some signature Taako soup. Plus, your best friend over here wants something explained to him that is well above my pay grade. It’s chill if you can’t though.” Taako says, tapping painted fingernails on the arm of his chair.

“Well,” Kravitz says. He’s smiling again. “I’ll happily do that. And you can pay me in food and company only, Taako. I don’t need your money. When do you want me to come over?”

Taako grins. “Thaaaank you, Krav. Come over around 8?”

“Sure.”

“See you then.”

The moment Taako hangs up, Angus is across the room and practically pouncing onto the couch Taako sits on. “Uncle Magnus was meant to be looking after me tonight!”

“Yeah! And now he’s not! What’s your point, boy genius?” Taako snorts, wrapping one arm around Angus and holding him to his side while the other messes up his ridiculously neat brown curls. The boy squirms and giggles as Taako uses a spectral hand to tickle him. After a sharply delivered elbow to the stomach, Taako stops and lets Angus continue.

“You’re just looking for excuses to see him! You have a crush on Kravitz!” Angus grins, looking up at Taako with eyes shining brightly.

“You can hold it right there, mister, I will find your receipt and ship you off. Don’t play me.”

“You can put me up for re-adoption, but you can’t run from the truth!” Angus giggles as he lays across the couch, head resting on Taako’s lap. “Was I right, though?”

“…Maybe.” Taako admits, and it’s the closest to a yes he’s given anyone, including himself. “But if you tell ANYONE – _especially Uncle Magnus –_ I’ll sell everything you own. No goddamn jokes here, kid.”

“Fiiine!” He grins up at Taako, absently grabbing a hand of his and looking at the painted nails. “It’d be cool if you told him, though. I think he’d be happy.”

“And why is that?” Taako asks, half joking, half curious. His kid has way too much intuition for his age.

“Because,” Angus replies, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “He smiles differently when you’re around.”

Taako changes the conversation after that, and body slams the idea of it straight to the back of his mind when Kravitz arrives at 8:00 PM exactly. Instead, he grins at him and raises an eyebrow teasingly, as if nothing is different at all. Things don’t need to be different if all feelings can be avoided.

“We’re not interested in any girl scout cookies or religious conversions, thank you very much. I mean – it’s a maybe on the cookies, but Merle has already tried converting me to the way of Pan a solid eight times this week alone.” He smiles.

“Luckily for you,” Kravitz chuckles, “my only service is to offer is babysitting.”

At the sound of Kravitz’s voice, Angus runs from his seat at their dining table to Taako’s side, nudging him away slightly to stand in front of Kravitz with a grin.

“Kravitz, sir, hi! I found a super cool detective movie for us to watch tonight, if you want!” He grins up at Kravitz as if he’s a skyscraper crossed with the Mona Lisa, and Taako will be damned if it’s not adorable.

“Of course, Angus. How have you been?” Kravitz asks with the air of politeness and respect that never goes away. He doesn’t talk condescendingly, he doesn’t treat Angus as if he’s a baby, and he lets the kid get all of his excitement and enthusiasm out without ever feeling the need to complain.

“I’ve been good! I had a 16 year old ask me for help on homework, which was weird, but he gave me five dollars!”

“Oh my gods,” Taako laughs, spinning his kid around. “Since when were you earning MONEY? Like, real people dollars? Please tell me you’re ripping them off.”

Kravitz laughs and rolls his eyes, placing a hand on Angus’ shoulder. “Don’t listen to your dad. I’m sure you’re being very reasonable with your prices.”

After rolling his eyes and sending Angus to the main room with an affectionate shove, Taako steps aside and leans on the wall behind him as Kravitz steps in politely. It’s not the first time he’s been inside their house but each time he comes, Taako notes that he looks around with the same intrigued smile as the time before.

“If you don’t mind me asking… What required a babysitting job so quickly? An overwhelmingly attractive date that refuses to be stood up?” Krav asks, a smirk playing on his face.

“I fuckin’ wish, light pollution. I’d _kill_ to have someone pay for a ten course meal for me right now. Five star restaurant. Glitz. Glamour. Taako at the centre of it all, kickin’ it.”

“I did just pay for your meal the other day, you know.”

Taako snorts and rolls his eyes. “Irrelevant. We were at Wendy’s.”

“My apologies. I’ll find a better Wendy’s next time.” He chuckles, carding a hand through his hair. “But seriously – _is_ it a date?”

“Yeah, it’s a date,” Taako starts, noticing the subtle change in Kravitz’s expression, and then promptly un-noticing that. If there’s one thing scarier than liking Kravitz, it’s Kravitz having a genuine interest in back. “A date with a goddamn therapist.”

As he finishes his sentence, Kravitz goes from relieved to amused to concerned in three seconds. “I see,” he says, reaching to place a cold hand on Taako’s arm. “I hope it goes well.”

“Thanks, but I got this. Emotions are for ugly people anyway, so this will be a breeze.” He brushes the worry off. It’s better than pity, but not by much. “I’ll be back at like, 9:30 or something. I hope boy genius over there isn’t too much trouble.”

“He never is.” Kravitz smiles. His hand is still on Taako’s arm, lingering. “You look after yourself.”

“Will do, bone dog.” Taako grins. “LOVE YA, ANGO. BE GOOD!”

“Love you too!” The boy’s voice calls from the other room.

Taako nods at Kravitz one last time as the man’s hand drops away, and strides out the door as if he isn’t freaking out internally. As if the ground still feels as if it’s underneath his feet. As if things aren’t changing for him at light speed. He manages to play it cool.

-

Taako arrives home at 9:42 PM, and is aware that he isn’t playing it cool. At all. He’s not crying, but it’s pretty fucking clear that he has been, and he’s too tired to even cast something that would clean him up. He unlocks the door, mind practically numb as he kicks his shoes off and squints at the bright light of the hallway. The drive home barely took any time, but it doesn’t feel that way. The sky was painted a pitch black of nothing, of empty, of awful shit and he feels _bad._ He walks into the living room, half in a trance, before realising that no, he isn’t the only person alive. And that actions have consequences. And that people – specifically Kravitz – have eyes.

Sure enough, in a dark room illuminated by the glow of the TV, Kravitz turns around and sees Taako with remnants of eyeliner and mascara all the way down to his jaw and tear stained cheeks, and his expression reads perfectly as a simple: _fuck._ Taako’s immediate thought is that this is it, this is where Kravitz walks out, this is where he gets on the Nope Train and rides his way away, forever. He’s braced for it, unable to do nothing more than curse his own stupidity and wish he’d put a smile on his stupid face before stepping in the door. He readies himself for whatever excuse Kravitz has readied.

“I, uh,” the man begins. Long pause. “Angus fell asleep on me. Would you mind giving me a hand?”

“Oh.” Taako says. Aloud, because he’s a fucking idiot. A dumbstruck idiot. Then, “sure.”

He walks over to the couch where Angus and Kravitz are sat and sure enough, the kid is passed flat out, leaning his head on Kravitz’s arm and hugging onto a pillow. Even through the haze, Taako smiles. He notices Kravitz looking at him and forces another smile, brighter, as he wipes his cheek. “Guess he was tired.”

“Clearly,” Kravitz says distractedly, chewing at his lower lip. “I… I’ll make us some hot cocoa, if that’s okay with you. While you put him to bed.”

Taako nods, not having it in him to question why hot chocolate is necessary right now. He casts a levitation spell on Angus, not wanting to wake him up, and “carries” him to bed. He lands on his bed gently, the covers tucking him in slowly and carefully as the boy continues to sleep. Slowly, Taako leans down and presses a kiss to Angus’ head. In his sleep, he smiles.

“Love you, buddy.” Taako says. He pauses for just a moment to look at Angus and remind himself that it’s okay, he’s okay, they’re okay. When his feet can feel the ground and his heartbeat is normal instead of thunderous, he walks back to Kravitz.

Sure enough, Kravitz is there on the sofa with two mugs of hot chocolate and an extremely worried look on his face. He shifts down the sofa as Taako approaches, giving him room to sit down, and then holds out a mug of cocoa. “It seemed like you could use a pick me up.”

“What gave you that idea?” Taako jokes half-heartedly. He takes the mug and takes a sip. It’s more hot water and powder than actual good cocoa with vanilla, but that’s not the point. Kravitz made him hot chocolate because he’s been crying, because Kravitz cares, because Kravitz is apparently intent on sticking around – that’s what makes Taako’s chest ache in the strangest of ways.

“Not a clue,” Kravitz replies softly. “Just my amazing intuition.”

“Clearly,” Taako says. He sniffs. Wipes at his makeup.

“Clearly.” Kravitz agrees.

They’re silent for a while, a murder being solved on the TV in front of them and cars passing by periodically. Neither of them turn the lights on, leaving them to be illuminated only by the glow of the screen and the few rays of orange light coming from the lamppost outside.

“So,” Kravitz says. “I’m guessing therapy was, uh… well. Something.”

“You can fucking say that again.” Taako sniffs, half laughing and half full of bitterness. It gets a laugh from the man beside him. “Newsflash: emotions aren’t only for ugly people!”

“God. Who’d have thought?” Kravitz chuckles. He puts his mug down on the table in front of them and turns to face Taako. “Do you… want to talk about it?”

“Absolutely fucking not.” Taako snaps, before realising that this isn’t a bad thing. Asking is what people do when they care.

“Duly noted.” Taako sighs and runs his hands through his hair, tying it up messily as Kravitz fiddles with his thumbs awkwardly, not knowing where to place himself.

“I mean… Y’know what, _fuck it._ ” He says decidedly, moving from a full couch away from Kravitz to be leaning against his side because, like he said, _fuck it_. “Is this okay?”

The man blinks about one hundred times in the space of two seconds, his mouth open-closing as he tries to form a reply before giving up and chuckling, shaking his head and smiling as he places an arm across Taako’s shoulders as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. “Of course. Are you sure you don’t want to talk?”

“Yes,” Taako says. Kravitz raises an eyebrow and tilts his head. “Okay. No. Basically, my therapist said a bunch of shit that’s too true, and then I cried, and then he said more true shit, and I told him to fuck off, and then I cried. Wildin’, light pollution. I’m wild.”

Kravitz nods, chuckling and squeezing Taako lightly. “Clearly. But… this will help you, Taako. Or at least I hope it will. As cliché and cheesy as this may sound, I’m here for you. Whenever you need me and whatever you need me for.”

For a moment, Taako considers brushing the sentiment away. Shrugging it off like an old coat and leaving it to gather dust somewhere. He doesn’t, though. He can’t right now, when he’s being affectionate for the first time in years and it feels like breaking apart and being put together over and over again. He can’t, when Kravitz is constant and not shying away and awfully, horrendously amazing. He can’t, when he’s reaching the selfish point at which he’d rather Kravitz experience the full Taako wreck than have him leave, or have him be a casual acquaintance that receives fake smiles and half assed small talk.

“Why do you care so much?” He asks. The words feel like water threatening to break down a floodgate.

“Well,” Kravitz says, brows furrowed, expression confused as if he’s having to answer a question that everyone should know the answer to. “Because I like you, Taako. You’re much less of the villain than you make yourself out to be.”

“Oh.”

“You’re a good person, Taako. Better than most.”

“Okay,” he says. He swallows hard. There’s a few beats of silence between them. “Wanna watch Dance Moms?”

“Sure, Taako.” Kravitz says. He doesn’t say anything else afterwards – no pity, no pressure, nothing. Instead, it’s the constant pressure of an arm around his back and a hand absently tracing a pattern into his shoulder. It’s reassurance. It’s the memory of being called a _good person_ playing on wraparound in his head. It’s nice, is what it is.

It’s really fucking nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS FIC IS SO IRREGULARLY UPDATED! school is kicking my entire ass. but the love and support you guys give is So Sweet and amazing and i hope you like this chapter as much as i enjoyed writing it!! (still didn't proof read, because i'm garbage, i blame exams)


	5. blackout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M REAL EXCITED FOR THIS ONE GUYS  
> (thank you for your continued support! the fact you love this fic as much as i do means the world to me)

“Do you _have_ to wear the bowtie?” Taako groans, trying to adjust the accessory on his son’s collar for the fiftieth time.

“Yes!” Angus argues, stubborn. “I need to look fancy and good for the party!”

Taako sighs, rolling his eyes with a smirk on his face. “It’s a pointless party, Agnes. They have literally no reason to host one.”

“But we’re still going!” He counters, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re just going to see Kravitz.”

“Hey. Shut it, kid.” Taako chuckles, finally managing to get the stupid bowtie straight and pushing Agnus’ glasses up his nose. “ _We_ are going to see your annoying, non-related aunty and uncle figures.”

“And your boyfriend.”

“And my – wait, uh, rewind – not that! Big no from the Taako zone.” Taako replies, standing and rolling his eyes. He moves to the mirror in their front room, combing a hand through his hair and making himself appear as neat as possible.

“But you _like_ him!” Angus complains, practically pouting as he moves to grab hold of Taako’s hand and tug it lightly. “You told me so. And I like him, too.”

Taako sighs, rolling his eyes and squeezing his son’s hand lightly. “I know you do, kid. Every person on this goddamn planet does. He’s un-unlikebale.”

“I don’t think that’s a word.”

“And I don’t think you should read the dictionary for fun buuut here we are, huh, buddy?” Taako turns to face Angus and smiles gently as he runs a hand through his hair, taking a moment to realise how much he’s grown in the past few months alone. “Less of the arguing now, Agnes. We got a party to go to, yeah?”

Angus pauses and Taako watches as he wonders if he should push the argument just one more time, before he gives up on it and smiles. “Yeah. Who’s gonna be there?”

“Literally everyone we know. Magnus and Julia don’t know how _not_ to invite people.” Taako says it like an insult with a fond smile on his face. The Burnsides may be over the top with their get togethers, but impossibly kind to everyone. Even if the idea of a big party makes his stomach churn, he’s glad Angus is excited.

To be precise, Angus is practically bouncing by the time they get to their door. The cab Taako called plays cheesy pop music and Angus sits there, swinging his legs and singing along happily. Overwhelming pride and love bubbles up in his chest until it aches as he watches Angus and it’s _nice_. At first, it was fucking strange for Taako to know that there was someone in his life that could do no wrong by him, that no matter what, Taako would always love him. It’s a comfort now. He nudges Angus’ foot and grins, singing along with him as the next song plays.

He ignores the feeling of dread building up inside of him. He ignores the fact that he can feel himself building a wall before they’ve even arrived at the party itself. His fingers taptaptap on the leather of the seat, anxiously beating out an uneven rhythm as the thoughts in his head speed up and begin to go on wraparound. Breathe in. Breathe out. Deep breaths. Connecting is easy, as long as you try. Connecting with his friends will be fine. He repeats the mantra of therapy-style positivity in his head the rest of the journey there and all the way up the stairs to the Burnsides’ apartment. Taako thanks the gods that Angus is so eager to ring the bell because he’s not sure that he’d have been able to do it himself.

Magnus opens the door, beaming, and for whatever reason Taako feels one step closer to tears. “Angus! Taako! You guys, I’ve missed you.”

The man pulls the two of them into a warm hug, easily encompassing them both and making Taako look like a match next to a tree trunk. Taako manages a smile and punches Magnus in the arm. “How’s it kickin’, my dude? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“It’s good!” Magnus keeps beaming, stepping aside to welcome them in. “Julia and I have been watching The Bachelor, like, _non-stop._ Julia blames you. Both of you, actually.”

Agnus grins, stepping inside and looking around at the friends and family gathered. “Dad! Can I go look round and try find Aunty Killian?”

“Sure, kid. Be good and be safe and don’t agree to any of Pringle’s weird schemes. That’s my job.” Taako ruffles Angus’ hair and watches for a moment as he runs off, dodging between groups of adults talking and laughing. For a moment, his heart drops down to his stomach. He takes a deep breath again and tries to pick it back up.

“Hey,” Magnus says. He says it gently, which isn’t good for Magnus. He’s meant to be bold and loud and bright all of the time. “You good, Taako?”

“Yeah, man. I’ll be all good.” He says. “I started going to that therapy shit you said I should go to. Turns out, my brain? Way fucked up.”

“Well.” Magnus laughs. That’s a good sign, at least. “Then therapy should help make it less fucked up? Either way, you know all of us are here for you. You’re fucking stuck with us.”

Magnus slings an arm around Taako’s shoulder and gestures towards everyone. “We care about you. Now, before I get all emotional… want a beer?”

Taako raises a single, pointed brow.

“Red wine. Gotcha.”

-

Two hours and a few glasses of wine later, Taako is sat on an overcrowded couch with people either side of him talking and celebrating. He’s managing to join in for the most part. He’s currently surrounded by Magnus, Julia, Merle, Lucretia and Carey. About a quarter of an hour ago, Avi informed him that Angus was located safely with Sloane and Hurley, talking to them excitedly about racing and gardening and everything between. He can see Killian and Noelle with Johann, arguing over music as he once again tries to promote his mixtape.

People he loves are everywhere around him – he couldn’t walk for more than two steps without bumping into another friend. Countless times in this night alone, his friends have walked up to him, hugged him, asked him if he was okay. They’ve smiled and laughed and told him if he needs anything, they’re no more than a phone call away. They’ve congratulated him on seeking help, asked him how it’s been, promised that it’ll get better. But the wall that Taako put up – that stupid fucking wall – is barricading him inside of his own head. He bounces his leg nervously and plays with the golden bangle around his wrist, watching the light reflect off it like moonlight on water rather than look up and face the happiness that’s around him.

“Hey, kid.” Merle says. He’s quiet and smiling softly. It’s parental, though both of them would die before they admitted it. “You been watching Dance Moms?”

Taako manages a smile. Merle is smart like that, full of experienced wisdom and stupid jokes and the knowledge of when to pry and when to leave things be. The dwarf may be an asshole most of the time, but years of knowing Taako have helped him become able to navigate the crash course that is Taako’s mind with less casualties than most.

“Yeah, _duh_ , an alien cyborg isn’t inhabiting my body so I am totally, absolutely watching it.” Taako replies, turning slightly to face Merle.

“Well! I’ve been _thinking_ –“

“I’m gonna have you to stop right there.” Taako snorts slightly, rolling his eyes. “You thinking is never good. Like, ever.”

“Hey now! That ain’t fair! Remember that one time handing out my Pan Pamphlets – _my panphlets_ – saved your ass?”

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Well… Well, it happened!” Merle laughs. “Hey. Your phone’s ringing. Is that – OH – that’s Kraaaaavitz!”

At that, of course, the ears of those surrounding them perk up. Taako’s ears quite literally drop down as he rolls his eyes, blushing slightly as he stands up, not bothering to excuse himself as his friend wolf whistle and give him a thumbs up as he walks to take the call someplace quiet.

 Taako presses answer as he enters a quieter room, and hears Kravitz’s voice immediately. “Taako?”

“Krav? Hey, my mans, where are you? I thought you were coming to the party.” He tries, and probably fails, not to sound disappointed.

“I’m sorry, Taako, I know – and I am coming. It’s just…” He trails off momentarily, words hanging absently in the air as Taako hears a tired sigh from the other end of the call. “It’s been something of a rough day.”

Taako’s brow furrows and he wraps an arm around himself loosely, trying to quiet the dwelling storm of anxiety. “You okay? I mean – shit, man – it’s not like you have to come here. You could go rest or whatever. No offence, but you sound tired as fuck.”

“I guess I do,” Kravitz chuckles half-heartedly. It makes Taako’s heart sink, much more than he’d want it to. “But if it’s okay with you, and with Magnus and Julia, of course, I’d still like to come. I’d – I’d like to see you, actually.”

Taako gulps slightly, his mouth agape for a moment before nodding, and then realising nods can’t be seen over the phone. He clears his throat. “Of course you can come, dude. They wouldn’t lock you out. Why’d you wanna see me, though? You have something to interrogate me about? D’you just wanna bask in my beauty?”

“Good guesses.” Kravitz says. Taako can hear the smile and picture it too, soft and reserved and god, when did he get this deep into _feelings_. “But I’d just like to see you to see you. I’ll be there soon.”

Kravitz ends the call before any snarky comeback would be possible. That is, if Taako could form sentences. It’s a moment, a gut punching, eye opening, waking up from a coma moment for what must be the hundredth time now. He _likes_ Kravitz. Taako runs a hand over his face slowly, sighing to the point where his lungs could collapse and leaning on the wall behind him. He really fucking likes Kravitz. It’s not love, god knows that would take a long time to cement itself in Taako’s heart, and even longer for him to realise and accept it – but it could be. That’s what terrifies him. There’s this seed of opportunity, one that could grow so much happiness, but there’s a thousand and one obstacles in the way.

Despite the things he says, despite the way he acts, despite the countless meaningful gestures – Taako is still scared of Kravitz. Not scared of him because he’s bad – he’s the furthest possible thing from bad – but because he’s so inordinately good. Once again, he’s pulling things out of Taako and knocking down walls and building bridges and reaching and connecting and – and – Taako is _petrified_.

A large hand rests on his shoulder, gentle and reassuring.

“Hey, Taaks…” Killian says. She’s smiling. “Is it weird that I know exactly how you’re feeling? Just by looking at you?”

“Yes.” Taako deadpans. “It’s fucking weird.”

She laughs heartily, taking his spite in her stride and brushing it off as if it’s nothing. “Then I’ll let it be weird! But let me tell you – you’re kinda screwed, buddy. The way you look when you talk to him is pretty much a mirror image of Carey when she used to talk to me. And, well, me when I used to talk to her.”

“And that means?” Taako asks. His foot bounces nervously because he knows the answer, yet still doesn’t want to hear it.

“It means you’re fucked.” Killian grins. “In the good way, though. Seriously. If there’s ever anyone to open to, it’s someone who makes you look the way he makes you look, y’know? You should go for it.”

“Thanks, Killian.” He says, smiling slightly. “I’m gonna go get another drink.”

She nods at him and walks over to Carey, casually lifting her up, spinning her around and pressing a kiss to her forehead. Taako makes a note of how they look at each other. It feels like another punch. He can’t imagine himself having that – it’s impossible. His therapist hit the nail on the head with the immediate diagnosis of severe trust issues mixed in with a lovely cocktail of abandonment fears and intimacy problems. The thought of trusting another person with his love, with romantic love, is terrifying.

But with Kravitz, the thought is persistent.

Taako goes to get another drink.

For the next fifteen or twenty minutes, Taako finds himself disconnecting. The frequency changes. There’s everyone, and then there’s him. At some point, he’s told that Angus has crashed out in the spare bedroom. With Angus safe, he lets himself drift. He drinks wine slowly but barely tastes it as he watches the world go by. Everyone seems to be on fastforward while he’s paused, stuck in place, unable to catch up. The worst part is that nobody seems to notice a difference in him. The thing that’s wrong with him – the dreaded disconnection – is an invisible virus. He wonders how long it would take for someone to notice if he just sat here forever.

Taako makes the executive decision that he needs some air.

Wordlessly, he leaves the party and slowly climbs the two flights of metal stairs up to the roof. It’s mid-April and Taako still curses himself for not bringing a coat up, but it’s bearable. He walks to his spot on the roof and sits down, legs dangling over into the drop. He leans back, hands resting behind him for support as he stares up at the sky and squints, trying to see a hint of something, of anything. He’s not sure if he’s staring at stars or at jet planes. Either way – he can’t see them clearly enough. Light pollution, he guesses.

Kravitz was right.

Speaking of the devil, and as Taako had expected he would – Kravitz shows up on the rooftop twenty minutes later. Taako hears him coming, footsteps thudding on concrete, the man looking around to see where Taako is.

Taako raises a hand and waves it slightly, not turning to look being him. “I’m over here, Krav.”

Kravitz spots him quickly and walks to where he’s sat, sitting beside him quietly and almost hesitantly dangling his legs off the side. There’s a slight space in between them, Kravitz as respectful as always, but the space is small enough that the presence of another person is comforting. For a few minutes, they listen to cars below pass by and watch the skyline of the neighbourhoods mixing with large offices reaching upwards towards the sky. Vivid white lights illuminate most windows. Warm, orange light shines onto dark pavement from the half-dimmed street lamps, illuminating portions of the world below. Everywhere is bright.

“Taako.” Kravitz says. His tone tells Taako that this isn’t something he can dodge, run from or laugh away. “Are you okay?”

“Kind of.” Taako says. He feels Kravitz looking at him, deep brown eyes watching him as intently as Angus watches everything and examining him with worry and compassion. Taako refuses to look at him. “It was going good down there, y’know? I was fucking ace. And then it went to shit, and I stopped feeling like I was there, and now you’re here.”

“I’m sorry, Taako.”

“I don’t want pity, Krav.”

“It’s not pity.” He says. Still looking. “I just… am sorry, that you have to deal with this. And again… you know I’m here for you.”

“I know, man. Thanks.” Taako pauses. He watches a taxi driver circle a few streets, headlights shining in the distance before disappearing. “Are you okay?”

“I will be. I’m glad to see you. People have been frustrating today, to say the least.”

Taako chuckles and turns to look at Kravitz for the first time. “I’ll drink to that, my mans.”

“I thought you might.” Kravitz smiles. “Do you want to talk about what happened down there?”

“Shit. I’d love to, but here’s the thing – I don’t know what the fuck happened.” Taako laughs, somewhat incredulous. “I don’t get it, Kravitz. I really fucking don’t.”

“Get what?”

“Get _me._ My fucking brain. I don’t know what it is – I don’t understand. Everyone down there – those people are amazing. They mean the fucking world to me. And for a while, I’m normal. I was normal! I talked to them and laughed and danced with Julia and arm wrestled with Avi and caught up with Lucretia and then all of a sudden I just… lost them. They moved on and I was stuck. It’s like I’m made of lead. I can’t… keep up, you know? And I want to. But it’s like I’m drowning in fog. It’s bullshit.”

Taako’s hands are now fists. He’s angry, he can feel it bubbling and burning in his chest. But more so than that, even, he’s hurt. It hurts. It’s confusing, and it hurts.

“I just…” Taako continues. “What the fuck, man? So much stuff is just confusing bullshit. I don’t understand you, either. Because you’re fucking great and I’m, uh, _a mess_ , and you’re still here. And I don’t understand why you’re so easy to talk to. And easy to be around. I don’t get it – I don’t get why, out of everyone in the world, you’re the person my shitfuck of a brain lets me feel real around.”

Kravitz shifts slightly closer, focused on Taako with a soft smile and a sad, concerned look in his eyes. “Taako, if it’s any consolation… I don’t fully understand it either. But I want you to know that I am happy, very happy, that we’re on the same frequency. To bring that metaphor back. You shouldn’t have to feel this way. Nobody should. But if I, for whatever reason, am the person you can be around – then I’ll stay around. For as long as you’d let me.”

Taako wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and then fixes his gaze on Kravitz with an awful mix of vulnerability and distrust.

“What I’m trying to say is that I like to be around you. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. You’re no villain, Taako. You’re good. You’re… amazing, actually. And you can’t see that. I want to help you see that.” Kravitz reaches into the space between them and rests his hand over Taako’s as the elf relaxes, his fists uncurling to allow Kravitz to take hold as if that’s where Kravitz’s hands are meant to be.

Taako sniffs and uses his free hand to wipe his tears again, stopping them from spilling as he regains composure and smiles at Kravitz crookedly. “Shit. This is some grammy award winning shit, huh?”

Kravitz laughs gently, smiling back at Taako, completely subtle and real. “Absolutely.”

“Krav? Do you, like, mean what you say about me? All that gushy, nice shit. I’m not used to that – especially from someone like you.”

“I mean it, Taako. Every word. You’re important.” There’s something in Kravitz’s voice that isn’t new, but it’s stronger than it’s ever been before. It’s an almost, it’s a wanting, it’s hesitation and fear as well as temptation and bravery. It’s barely restrained. It’s a physically presence gathering around them, turning the air into static.

Taako opens his mouth to speak, words nearly entering into the world, before suddenly and almost one by one, the lights below them shut off. Neighbourhoods submerged into darkness, lights disappearing from windows, many of the orange streetlamps flickering and the light then disappearing. It takes a moment for Taako to register that there’s a power cut. A blackout. He turns to Kravitz, beaming and using his spare hand to point to the sky despite Kravitz looking around worriedly.

“Hey, Krav. No light pollution.”

Kravitz does the endearing open-shut-open-shut of his mouth for a moment before the worry on his face dissipates to nothing and a beaming smile of overwhelming care and fondness replaces it. Taako has a moment to look at that smile, that ridiculously bright smile, so full of affection and kindness and all directed at him before he can’t see it anymore.

Because Kravitz is kissing him.

A cold hand on Taako’s cheek, gentle and sweet as their other hands remain interlocked tightly. His lips, moving slow and gentle and cautious and perfect against Taako’s own. All space between them having disappeared and taken the air from Taako’s lungs with it, because Taako is quite literally breathless. He feels real and not real and something else altogether, all at once, and his hand clutches at Kravitz’s back as he kisses the man back.

Kravitz pulls back momentarily, eyes wide in shock of his own actions, apparently, and an apology ready at his lips. Before he can even finish saying _I,_ Taako takes his shirt in his hands and pulls him back. Their lips meet like clockwork. Taako’s arms around Kravitz’s neck and Kravitz’s arms around Taako’s waist. It’s natural and feels familiar. It’s new and feels terrifying. It lasts until they’re pulling away with their chests rising and falling deeply.

They stare at each other for a long moment, Taako slowly moving an arm from around Kravitz’s to wipe remnants of lipstick off the other man.

“I…” Kravitz begins. He doesn’t finish. Instead, he tucks a strand of hair behind Taako’s pointed ear, his hand lingering for a moment before dropping.

“Yeah.” Taako agrees. The haze of _holy fuck_ is beginning to mix with fear. The butterflies are almost knocking him sick. “I, uh – shit. Wow. Uh… fuck.”

Flight or fight mechanisms kick in and Taako’s feet make him stand before he can register where he’s moving to. “I – I need to check on Angus. Sorry. I want – I need to make sure he’s okay. Sorry. I’ll text you. Tomorrow, or something. Yeah. Tomorrow. I’ll – sorry. See you soon, Krav.”

Taako turns on his heel and walks away without another word as the car crash of fear and vulnerability explodes inside of him. There’s the fireworks, and there’s the explosions. Taako isn’t sure which he hates the most. He’s shaking slightly as he walks. It’s not because of the cold.

A kiss means there’s something. A spark.

Taako doesn’t want to be scared. He wants to go back, kiss Kravitz again, and again after that. But he can’t. He’d be opening up. He’d be able to get hurt.

He knows all too well that sparks can cause a fire. And no matter what, playing with fire always leaves somebody burned.


	6. the inevitable

**[You have: 2 missed calls!]**

**[You have: 4 unread text messages!]**

**[You have: 1 voicemail!]**

_“Hey, Taako, it’s – it’s me, Kravitz. Obviously. Aha. Uh. Anyway – I was just ringing to check up on you. You said you’d call me. You, uh, you didn’t. So, yeah. Sorry if you’re just sleeping or something. I – I worry, I guess. Ring me back, or text me, or something. When you can, of course. I’ll see you soon, I hope.”_

A high-pitched beep, long and monotonous, and then silence.

Taako lays his phone face-down on the bedside table for two minutes at most before grabbing it again. He types a text out to Kravitz, then deletes it, then types it out again, and repeats the process another thousand times before putting his phone aside. No message sent. He’s one part hungover and five part terrified because, sadly, he remembers every single thing that happened the night before. Which means no _“I was sooo fucked up,”_ excuse available for the rooftop makeout session he had with a certain motherfucker.

Except that it’s not just that, though, is it? If it were just making out with a hot guy, he wouldn’t care. He’d be happy! Kissing guys is great, it’s wonderful, it’s gay as fuck and that’s amazing – in cases where no strings are attached. Kissing Kravitz is more than great. It’s breath-taking. It’s all the static clearing from his head and being replaced with fireworks and warmth and a feeling of _home._ It feels like something that he could get used to, that he wants to get used to, that he wants to become so accustomed to that a day without kissing Kravitz feels like a day wasted. But that comes with more strings attached than Pinocchio in his pre-real-boy stage.

Taako, for one, does not like strings.

It doesn’t end well, it never ends well, it wouldn’t end well. It couldn’t, he convinces himself. Love is not made for people like Taako. Love is for the people who can trust blindly and with no fear – love is for those who can fall, arms outstretched, with no protection to save them from the hard ground below, and trust another to catch them and keep them from harm. Love is for people who can have a home and have a family and have a life without thoughts like tendrils of smoke crawling into their minds, thoughts of running away and leaving everything behind.

Taako sits up out of bed for the first time that day and it feels like crawling out of a coffin, with an ache inside him reaching into his bones. He groans and thanks god that the sober goddesses that are Carey and Killian offered to babysit Angus that night. He moves to the curtains of his room and opens them, squinting blindly for a moment before his eyes readjust to the crayon-blue sky and bright sun.

“Ugh,” Taako grunts. “Not fuckin’ necessary, mother nature.”

He rubs his eyes, smearing last night’s makeup further down his face before padding into the kitchen, still in his pyjamas. He makes himself coffee drowsily, acting from muscle memory more than choice. All he lets himself think about is what he’s doing in the moment. Not last night. Not what he’ll do next. Not what Kravitz is doing now, or if Kravitz is okay, or if Kravitz hates him yet or, or, or – thinking that much would cause his brain to shut down. He’s sure of it.

Taako sits himself down on a kitchen stool with his coffee in hand, the whirring coffee machine behind him finally growing quieter. He goes to take a drink, to finally get some energy into his body, when a knock at his door interrupts. A loud knock, a pause, and then three thuds that sounds like blows of a hammer. Taako sighs. He already knows that this means Magnus and Merle are here.

“COME IN.” He shouts, and pauses for a moment, listening into the silence. He sighs, and shouts louder. “I KNOW YOU HAVE THE KEY, MAGNUS.”

He sips his coffee and quickly uses a spell to change, clearing the tear-stained makeup from his face in an attempt to look at least something like a functioning adult as the door unlocks and, as expected, Magnus and Merle walk into the room.

“It’s morning.” Taako complains.

“It’s three in the afternoon, jackass.” Merle replies with a roll of his eyes. Magnus looks at Taako pointedly.

“Where have you _been_ , Taako? People thought you were dead.”

“Kravitz, he means. Himself and Kravitz. And even then, that’s still an exaggeration, but, you know. Point still stands. How come you’ve been ignoring people?”

Taako takes a long drink of coffee and rests his face in his hand, elbow leaning on the kitchen counter casually. “Are we doing a good cop bad cop type thing here? But you’re both just asshole cops?”

“Funny.” Magnus deadpans. Taako notices the bags under his eyes and the rigid posture he’s holding himself with, and swallows slightly. He’s worried. And angry. Doesn’t want to show it, though. Which usually means it’s all relating the emotions of the world’s most fucked up wizard – himself. Great. “Kravitz messaged both of us asking to check up on you. He’s worried sick, Taako.”

Taako shrugs, tries to smile and play it off lightly. “The dude’s a goofus, he always worries. It’s no biggie.”

“We know you guys kissed, Taako.” Merle interrupts, sighing. He sounds like a father. “Kravitz didn’t tell us outright, but he made it pretty damn obvious. The both of you did. So Magnus and I are staging an intervention –“

“ – an intervention to stop you from fucking yourself over.” Magnus finishes, arms crossing over his chest.

“Whoopdeedoo.” Taako snorts. He’s not sure if he’s amused or terrified, in reality, but playing up the comedy card seems much easier than admitting to the more negative side of things. “Please, go on, my dudes. Tell me exactly what I need to do. Therapy me up! I am _ready._ ”

“Fine. You’re running from Kravitz – and from everyone, realise it or not – because you’re scared to love them and you’re scared of them not loving you. Or even worse, them really, _really_ loving you, because you don’t like who you are and don’t want people to see that.”

Merle says it with no more struggle or thought than if he were reading a list of groceries. Hell, he says it as if it’s that obvious. Taako’s jaw drops slightly.

“What?” Merle shrugs, smiling slighting in a way that’s wise and sad and heartfelt in a way that Taako hates. “You said you were ready.”

“Well, shit. I didn’t think you’d be that real, old man. Look at you. Next chat show host Merle Highchurch right here, my guys. I can see it now. You’re interviewing all the celebrities and getting their biggest fuckin’ fears out of them before they even know it. Boom. Abandonment issues. Boom. Repressed childhood memories. Boom. All the good shit. Magnus is your bodyguard, obviously, and -”

“Taako,” Magnus says softly. Taako stops his rant and realises there’s tears running down his cheeks.

He laughs, shaky and fake and rapid, wiping at his tears with the back of his hands as he stands and takes a step back slightly, as if the tiles between them on the kitchen floor can fall away and barricade them out. Out, far away, behind the safety line so his best friends don’t have to see him break. Happy, funny, sarcastic Taako doesn’t break.

“I’m fine.” He says. “I promise.”

“Taako.” Magnus repeats, firmer this time. He takes a step forward and rests his hand on Taako’s shoulder, squeezing. “You’re not. But that’s okay. That’s why we’re here.”

“That’s why we ain’t going anywhere, kid. No chance – not even you can run fast enough to get away from us.” Merle adds. “You can’t run from us anymore. And you can’t run from this, either.”

For a moment, it feels like the world is crumbling. He hates that Merle is right. He hates that this is who he is, and that this is how he is. He hates that the people he loves, the people he used to love and the people he wants to love have to deal with this, and have to deal with him. Something that has been building inside of him for longer than he knows snaps, breaks, dissipates and dissolves. It’s the inevitable. It’s the world ending and for a moment Taako feels like this is it – this is the down that will have no up, this is the falling and the breaking and the end.

And then he feels two pairs of arms around him, strong and real and there. Magnus and Merle. His best friends. His family. His legs give in, but as he sits on his kitchen floor with the other men either side of him, he thinks that maybe – maybe this is necessary. Maybe he needs this.

Maybe he needs to fall apart in order to be put back together.

Taako lets himself break on his kitchen floor at 3 in the afternoon and a part of him feels pathetic. But there’s relief there, too. A calm _after_ the storm. And when he’s finished crying, as disgusting as he may look and feel, it takes a weight off him that he wasn’t fully aware he was carrying.

“Well,” Taako laughs shakily, face and eyes both red after the onslaught of tears. “shit. That was something.”

“Sure was, huh?” Merle chuckles. He rests his head against Taako’s shoulder lazily.

“We should _probably_ talk about the Kravitz situation now, though. Because, no offence meant to you Taako, but if I have to listen to him gush about you one more time I’m gonna use my axe on myself. It’s too much to deal with at this point!” Magnus complains, but he’s laughing. He isn’t tense anymore, his arm resting around Taako casually as he talks.

Taako sighs and leans his head back against a cabinet. “I fuckin’ guess so.”

Both Magnus and Merle turn to him in sync with a mirrored expression of expecting something, and Taako takes that as a hint to start talking.

“So, you were right. We totally fucking kissed. And it was great. But, as per goddamn usual, I freaked out. And I ran the fuck off, and now I’m ghosting, my guys. I feel like an asshole.” Magnus shoots him a look that very clearly agrees with the asshole part, and Taako elbows him lightly. “It’s terrifying though. He’s HOT. He’s super nice! People like that don’t like me! The nice part, that is. Hot people like me. Duh.”

“You’re losing focus, kid.”

“You’re right there, Merle. But your last relationship was with, uh, _a plant,_ so you can’t judge me here. But… yeah. I do _not_ know what I’m doing!” Taako finishes. He looks at the rays of light filing into the kitchen and sees the dust dancing in the air like a cyclone, focuses on that rather than look to his friends.

“What is it you’re scared of, though?” Magnus asks.

“Uh, _everything_? He’s… pretty fucking cool, my guys. And Angus likes him!”

“Those… those are positive qualities?”

Taako holds his arms out, gesturing wildly as if it’s obvious. “Exactly! And I’m… I’m a fuckin’… rat man! Or, well, something. God knows. Whatever. That’s not the point. The point is that he’s so nice and I don’t want to ruin that for him. I don’t want to… to lose him, okay? You got that gay shit out of my mouth and into the world – well don’t for that. I don’t want to lose Kravitz, and I don’t want Angus to lose him because of me.”

“How long have you known him for now, though, Taako?” Magnus continues. “ _Months._ And he’s been talking about you since day one. He’s wanted to kiss you for a damn long time. And it’s pretty clear you feel the same.”

“Which is why you’re gonna message him.” Merle adds, nodding towards Taako. “You’re gonna answer those texts, say sorry for being a _dumbass_ , and date the poor guy before he starts serenading you or some shit.”

“But –“ Taako begins, before being swiftly cut off by a shove from Magnus.

“If you don’t message him right this instance I’ll get Lucretia on your ass.” Merle threatens.

“Or even worse – I’ll get Julia.”

Taako snorts out a laugh, much steadier than before, and gets to his feet. He wipes his eyes once more and smiles at the men in front of him, shrugging. “What can I say? Those women could kill me. Taako doesn’t fuck with _that_ , my guys. Hope you’re not too bummed your threats are, uh, waaay better than your therapy.”

Magnus laughs and Merle joins in too as the two of them stand up and smile. It’s silent for a moment, and it should be awkward, but it’s not. It’s peaceful, it’s warm, it’s weighty, and it means something. They aren’t the best with words. They don’t do feelings and love and family all of the time. They let those things go unspoken because sometimes, the words aren’t needed. The feelings are just _there._

“You know,” Taako starts, shifting his weight from foot to foot awkwardly for a moment as his friends watch. “You guys are pretty fuckin’ good to me. Thanks. I don’t always deserve it.”

“You’re right about that.” Merle laughs. “But we still love ya. Now, go sort your shit out. Magnus and I are gonna crash on your couch and use your Netflix.”

“Freeloaders.” Taako says, chuckling. He watches as they walk out of his kitchen, mumbling to one another, and gulps slightly. The static is there, like it always is, but it’s not as strong as usual. He still feels real, present, there in the moment. He feels loved and he loves them, so, so much. He can say that. That’s a victory in itself.

Taako pads back to his bedroom slowly and sits on the side of his bed before picking his phone up. His chest contracts wildly and his heart beats like a bird that’s outgrowing its cage, as if it could shatter his ribs and escape. He closes his eyes. Opens them. Takes a deep breath.

He thinks about the static and the frequencies and the feeling of Kravitz’s hand on his cheek. He thinks about the light pollution and the stars and the lips against his own. He thinks about the laughter, the fear, the butterflies and fireworks and explosions and fire. It’s undoubtedly terrifying. It’s uncertain. It could likely be regrettable.

But some things are worth that risk, aren’t they? 

**[You have: 4 missed calls!]**

**[You have: 7 unread text messages!]**

**[You have: 2 voicemails!]**

Taako doesn’t read the texts, nor does he listen to the new voicemail. He gathers his courage. He takes his own advice, the advice he gives Angus when he has nightmares or anxiety. He takes the chance he has, just in case he won’t get another. He types.

            **TAAKO:** hey krav

            **TAAKO:** i’m an asshole. and i’m sorry

            **TAAKO:** i understand if ur mad

His phone screen lights up with an accompanying beep.

            **KRAVITZ:** I’m not mad, Taako. Not at all. I’m just glad you’re safe.

            **KRAVITZ:** you are safe, aren’t you?

**TAAKO:** I am. promise. plus I’m bein SERIOUS. How wild is that

            **KRAVITZ:** very.

            **TAAKO:** can we talk tomorrow? Idk how to deal with shit but my naturally amazing intuition tells me that there is shit that needs to be dealt with and probably i should do that with you my man

**KRAVITZ:** I think that makes sense.

            **KRAVITZ:** I think I could also just be looking for an excuse to see you.

            **TAAKO:** you’re the worst. i’ll see you at our place at like 6 tomorrow?

            **KRAVITZ:** I thought it was your roof only?

            **TAAKO:** well, who knows. maybe you’re changing me.

            **KRAVITZ:** I hope I’m not. I think I like you as you are.

Taako puts his phone down again. This time, he grins. The crayon blue sky seems fitting and maybe, just maybe, the breaking feels as if it could be for the better. He feels like the static could fade. He feels that for once, he deserves to be the one living in a fast-pace, real-time world, with all the brightness and noise and happiness and calamity and love that comes along with it.

He hopes that he can have that.

He hopes that he can have Kravitz in that with him, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG  
> life is hectic atm but heeeeeyy, i hope you all enjoy this <3


	7. maybe we'll try

It’s 5:43 PM. The sky is changing colours – a metamorphosis of beauty, the bright blue of the sunny day fading away into bleeding reds, pinks, oranges, and yellows as clouds stretch across the horizon. The rooftop is empty aside from Taako. For once in his goddamn life, he’s early. He has a coat wrapped around himself to combat the breeze, but aside from that – it’s nice. Pleasant. A calm and quiet evening. As if it’s normal. As if it’s unimportant.

Taako has a feeling that it may well end up being important, for him, at least. Life is weird like that, actually. He’s been sat alone for an hour in total, long enough to reach the point where his mind wanders. Thanks to a long talk with friends, or more accurately, the family he’s found within Magnus and Merle, he’s calmer than usual. He still feels strange. He’s still reeling from the breaking. Logically, he knows that he’s still in pieces. But for once, he doesn’t feel alone. The urge to feel alone, to disconnect, to run away is there, as it always is. But a memory is there in its place, stronger than ever. His family, with arms outstretched. Magnus and Merle hugging him tightly enough to stop him from losing himself. Angus holding his hand as he explains that he’s going to therapy, the little boy nodding with a wisdom far beyond his years and promising to help in any way he can.

The little moments mean the most. The little moments keep him grounded. The little moments can change everything.

He thinks about that as he watches the clouds dance away into the distance. Little moments. To so many people, days go by with nothing significant happening. Get up. Do shit. Go to bed. Repeat. Days that matter – _really_ matter – when you fall apart or fall in love or get married or discover yourself or anything like that come few and far between. There’s not many of them in a lifetime. And what’s strange, confusing, almost fucking mind-blowing is that those days don’t stop the world. There are over 7 billion people in the world – and they, quite frankly, don’t give a shit about your big days.

And that’s okay, Taako thinks.

He used to think the world stopped turning when his mind turned to static.

It’s a lot more comforting to know that it’s still spinning, just waiting for him to jump back into the loop. Back into the madness. Back into the chaos. Back into the love and hope and dreams. Back into reality – because, shit, when all is said and done? Reality isn’t the worst place he could be.

“Hot diggity shit.” Taako laughs to himself. He’s shaking slightly, his fingers tapping out the rhythm of his anxiety into the old, broken cement of the roof below him. “Look at me. Who’da fucking thought? I’m up here talking like a goddamn motivational speaker.”

He hears a laugh from behind.

He doesn’t flinch.

Instead, he grins. A smile as natural as breathing spreads across his face and a warmth that’s new whilst being so, so old spreads through him. Warmth like window panes and Agnus at Candlenights and clarity and honey and family. Warmth that’s terrifying and still, somehow, feels like home. He wants to run from it. He wants to get used to it. He wants to clear his head, to be able to breathe, to stop the feeling of drowning – but he likes it, when it’s with Kravitz. More than he should. More than he knew he even could.

“I swear to god. Next time you listen in on my fucking monologue, I’m suing you.”

“Is that so? You and what lawyer?” Kravitz chuckles, walking across the roof to sit beside Taako with an anxious hesitancy that’s only overruled by the grin Taako manages to bring to his face. Taako doesn’t see it – he hears it. The creased lines under his eyes and the dimple in his left cheek as he grins. The shine in his eyes. The cockily raised eyebrow. An overwhelmingly real sense of joy.

“Bite me, light pollution.” Taako challenges. In his head, he wants it to be a confession. It isn’t – but it’s the start of one. That’s something, at least.

“I’d be afraid to try.”

Kravitz sits down next to Taako and, as always, dangles his legs across the side of the building. The silence falls over them heavily and like a blanket, a fresh sheet of snow. But not as cold. He’s in a black hoodie and jeans, his hair reaching to his back, as usual. The orange glow from the sun turns him to gold and Taako feels a pang of guilt – he doesn’t deserve this. Being loaded with a heavy-duty love. He crushes that thought as quickly as he can because that’s why they’re here. To talk about this. _That_ is why his stomach is tying itself into knots and flipping inside-out.

He takes deep breaths, to the best of his ability, as he continues to stare forwards and towards the sky. Nothing phases it. The colours mix and melt and change, oblivious to the world below. Completely unbothered. Taako reminds himself that not far away, Angus is under the same sky. His family is under the same sky. No matter what, the sky will still be there tomorrow. Nothing can change that. If he remembers that, he’ll be okay. If he can live in the moment, he can be okay. There’s only now. Nothing more and nothing less.

“…What are you thinking about, Taako?” Kravitz questions softly.

“Shit, man.” Taako laughs. “You want a fuckin’ essay? I can give you one. I can write a damn dissertation on this shit. Call me Dr. Taako.”

Kravitz laughs softly and places his hand behind Taako, leaning backwards and using it to steady himself. “I wouldn’t mind an essay.” Taako raises an eyebrow at him quizzically. “No, really. Not if it’d help you.”

“Bone dog, have you considered going into therapy work? You’ve got that good ASMR voice that makes me just wanna _spiiiiill_ my problems to you.” Taako jokes with a smirk, eyebrows raised.

“I think you may just like talking to me. But seriously, Taako. What is it? Are you okay?” He gets that crease in the middle of his brows. His worried look. Kravitz gives Taako a lot of those.

“I’m good, my dude. I… had a _talk_ yesterday. With Mags and Merle. About… a lot of stuff. Not to go all ugly people and emotions on you, but it sure was something.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. _Oh._ I think I’m a little bit scared of a lot of things. Which is, _uhhhh_ , completely whack, considering I’m invincible.” Words roll off Taako’s tongue instantly. Too fast. Too shaky. Kravitz moves his hand to the small of Taako’s back and rubs his thumb across it lightly, a small gesture designed to comfort him.

“I know you’re joking, but I kind of think you are. Invincible, that is. You’ve been through a lot in the few short months I’ve known you. If you don’t mind my saying… I think it’s fair to say that _we’ve_ been through a lot.” Kravitz says. He clears his voice nervously. “Would… you say so?”

“Yeah. For realises, my man.” He sighs, a shuddering one that rattles his ribcage. The sky is growing darker. The red bleeds beautifully. “What the fuck is it about us?”

“What do you mean?” Kravitz asks. Confused. Again.

“I mean… shit. Half the time we’re together I’m in the middle of a breakdown.” A pointed look from Kravitz is sent his way, and he backtracks. “Okay. Half the time we meet _here,_ at least _._ The first time we met here. The last time we met here, too. And after my therapy. You saw me crying. Like a _mess._ I don’t – I don’t let people see that, light pollution. That shit is my own to deal with.”

“It shouldn’t be, though.” Taako sighs and looks at Kravitz. Kravitz’s voice is soft. Candlelight next to an inferno. “I don’t want it to be. I want you to have people… To have me, if you would.”

Taako feels an arrow in his heart and he doesn’t know if it’s cupid or a goddamn assassin. It hurts and it feels perfect. It hurts and it is terrifying. It hurts, and in Kravitz’s eyes, Taako sees a universe. He sees a revelation. He says what Magnus sees each and every time he looks at Julia. He sees the unconditional _something_ that has been there for a while, he knows what it is, and it’s terrifying. It’s love – or it could be. Someday. And Taako feels like whiplash and car crashes and meteors falling to earth as he realises that the very same _something_ is in his eyes too.

Not there fully. Not yet.

But it could be.

“Gods a-fucking-bove. We… have not had the prettiest story together, huh?” Taako laughs. He’s shaking. He goes to tap his fingers but a hand – Kravitz’s – encompasses them and intertwines them with his own. Tightly enough to keep him grounded and loose enough so that he could slip away if he wanted. He doesn’t want that. Not one bit.

“I think it’s more of a ‘meet-messy’ than a ‘meet-cute’, perhaps.” Kravitz smiles.

“More like meet mentally ill, my dude, but whatever floats your boat.”

“I’m trying to be optimistic!” He laughs.

“And I’m trying to be realistic, you fuck.” Despite himself, Taako is laughing too. The wind is stronger now and his hair blows behind him. Clouds move faster up above, new ones passing overhead, the shapes twisting and resembling things and reminding Taako of childhood. “You know what? Maybe – god, forgive me for this romance novel shit, but maybe we’re starcrossed. Doomed. Fated for disaster.”

Kravitz raises his eyebrows and, once again, it’s painfully genuine. Shock and confusion mixed in with the _something._ He thinks on it for a minute, his face shifting from emotion to emotion as he thinks it through. “Can I be honest, Taako? And perhaps a little blunt?”

“Sure.”

“I think that’s bullshit.” He shrugs casually and squeezes Taako’s hand. “And if fate says that’s the case, well… then I’d like to fight that. Any chance I can get.”

“Oh.” Taako says.

“Yeah.” Kravitz agrees with the nervous beginnings of a smile. “I don’t want to end in disaster, Taako. I know that nobody can predict the future. Nobody knows what’s going to come next. Anything can happen. But, Taako… I choose to believe that, because of that, it means that we have every damned chance of being happy. In fact, I’d bet money on it.”

“I thought you didn’t gamble?” Taako asks. His heart is breaking out of his chest.

“I think I can make an exception. I think our odds are… pretty decent, all things considered. I think our frequencies help. I think your fashion helps. I think my lack of fashion helps. I think all of it – every insignificant thing – gives us a chance. Most of all, I think the way you’re looking at me might prove that you agree with me.”

A pause.

“Or am I being too optimistic?”

Kravitz is quite possibly the most nervous Taako has ever seen him. He wears it openly and freely, with a smile on his face, not to hide, but to be brave. To show Taako that this is real. Taako’s head is the quietest it’s been in a long while. The _something_ isn’t to blame for that. The possibility of love isn’t going to make him better. But the fact that Kravitz is willing to offer it, the fact Magnus and Merle love him each day, the fact that Angus loves him unconditionally, and finally, and most importantly, the fact that Taako – for perhaps the first time in his life – feels he can take that love without guilt or repercussion… that is the turning point. That is a pause in the static. That is radio silence. Clarity. Peace.

Taako smiles.

“I don’t know. Are you?”

“I’ll be honest. I really hope I’m not. I… do quite like you. If you hadn’t noticed that already.” Kravitz smiles. Relief washes over him in waves of comforting peacefulness. Slowly. Calmly. Peacefully.

Taako shifts slightly, turning his body towards Kravitz’s. Automatically, Kravitz mirrors him. Taako reaches his hand to the back of Kravitz neck and pulls him down, but not into a kiss. He closes his eyes, not tightly but just so that the world fades to black, and presses his forehead to Kravitz’s. The other man follows suit and wraps his arms around Taako’s middle, pulling him close so that their bodies are aligned. They breathe together. They exist together.

It’s a small moment – infinitely so, in the grand scheme of things – but Taako can feel his world shift. As cliché as it all is.

“Light pollution.” Taako starts, as he pulls back. It’s not a question.

“Hm?” Kravitz opens his eyes and blinks as he adjusts to the sunlight. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no, my man. Not at all. Shit is great. But… I got a question. It’s… a _liiiitle_ forward, though. Nothing X-rated though, nah, I’m not ruining the moment. Don’t you worry your handsome little head about that. Can I shoot it at you?”

“Of course.”

“Cool.” Taako pauses. Just long enough to clear his throat and gather his nerves. “Are you in love with me?”

Kravitz’s eyes widen and he laughs, one short bubble of sound before he realises Taako is being serious. Because of course he is. He steadies himself for just a second, which Taako can admit was probably necessary. He’s never been one for subtlety. “No, Taako. I’m… I am not in love with you.”

“Oh. Okay. Can I be honest with something here?”

“Of course.”

“You have no fucking idea how relieved I am to hear that.” Taako grins. Brightly. Ear to ear.

Kravitz chuckles and presses a kiss, short and sweet, to Taako’s lips. His hand runs through his hair and tucks a loose strand behind one long ear, hesitating for a moment. “I’m glad. But… can I be honest about something too?”

“Sure. It’s an open therapy session now, my man.”

“I think you’re right there.” Kravitz smiles. His hand moves to cup Taako’s jaw, to guide his face slightly so that their eyes lock together. “I’m not in love with you. But I could be. I’d _like_ to be. If you’d let me.”

“ _Oh._ ” Taako says. Another arrow in the heart. He’s gaining a collection.

“Yeah. _Oh_. Is this… a mutual thing?”

“I think so. It could be.” Taako is taken aback by the lack of hesitation in his answer. Natural. Just like breathing.

Kravitz beams and kisses him again, and the world melts into nothing. It doesn’t matter anymore. Not now. Nothing behind him and nothing in front of him. All Taako focuses on is Kravitz and the feeling of him. The happiness from him. He lets himself feel the fear, too, because it’s natural. It’s exciting. Who wants a plain romance? Who wants it easy? That’s not for Taako, it never has been and it never will be. Difficulties are natural. The ups and downs of life are what make it so damn interesting to live.

Right now, this is most certainly an up.

Kravtiz pulls back still beaming, radiating joy as he squeezes Taako’s waist lightly and pulls him closer whilst bathed in the light from the almost-summer sun. “So… less starcrossed, more… official?”

“I think that would be pretty fuckin’ okay, Crab stickz. No complaints from me.”

“Maybe we’ll get a ridiculously happy ending. My odds could well be correct.”

“Maybe, my man.” Taako laughs. “Maybe we’ll try.”

Taako falls into a comfortable silence as Kravitz wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in closely. Taako rests his head on Kravitz’s shoulder and it falls into place naturally. His head is clear and full at the same time, and maybe that’s how it should be. Messy and clean. Perfect and imperfect. Constantly changing and switching and sometimes it will be good, and sometimes it won’t be. Maybe that’s the way to make the good times the best that they can be, and the way to make the bad times bearable. Maybe that’s why they work, the two of them. Similar and different, all bundled into one. But wondering about that is for another time. Labels and plans and the future can be dealt with when they arrive. They can worry about the L-Word when it feels natural – at this point, the term boyfriend hasn’t even been confirmed – and for once, Taako thinks the wait will be worth it.

The future will have good things in store for him.

He cuddles close to Kravitz’s side with a soft smile on his face and once again, as inevitably as always, looks towards the sky. It’s a momentous day. For billions of other people, it won’t have been. And that’s okay. The insignificance to the masses makes the moment all the more special to the few who get to be a part of it. It’s nice that way. Taako sighs contentedly and watches the sun begin to slip away behind the buildings in the distance.

Vague shadows of the moon appear in the unique mosaic of colours in the sky. Aside from the few clouds that remain, it’s going to be a clear night.

He smiles to himself – the stars will be out. No need to worry about light pollution tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and........ i think we're done, boys. thank you for joining me on this journey. it's not the slowest of slow burns, and i COULD have continued this, but i think this ending is fitting. i'm leaving these boys at a nice place. thank you SO MUCH for all the lovely things you've had to say - each and every comment and kudos means the world to me. i'm very proud of this little thing. i hope you like this last chapter and as always! i'm @taakotacos on twitter and always here to provide that good gay taz fic for you <3

**Author's Note:**

> SO? THIS FIC MIGHT BE A THING NOW. A MULTI CHAPTER ONE! one that i might..., finish.... this time...... maybe..... ANYWAY! thank you for reading and as always, feel free to hmu at @taakotacos on twitter!


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